Show Me Where You Hide
Jan. 19th, 2015 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
surgicalfocusTitle: Show Me Where You Hide
Pairing(s): Chanyeol / Baekhyun
Rating: Soft R
Genre: Romance
Warning(s): Language, a few sexual bits n’ bobs
Length: ~4,200
Summary: Chanyeol had assumed that finally moving in with each other would bring him and Baekhyun closer together, but it seems to be doing just the opposite. (A continuation of ‘A Little Is Alright’, which you might want to read first.)
“You don’t need to unpack every single thing right away, you know,” Chanyeol said, and patted the couch next to him. “Sit down and relax.”
Baekhyun continued to haul stacks of books from a cardboard box, piling them up on the floor according to genre. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and sighed.
“I know I don’t have to do it all right now… but I’m just not comfortable with leaving all these boxes everywhere. I’d rather get it over and done with.”
“Well, can I at least help, then..?”
Baekhyun shook his head and smiled. “It’s my stuff, so it’s my problem… I’ll handle it. You go to bed if you’re tired; I’ll come join you later.”
“It’s alright, I’ll stay up with you,” Chanyeol insisted. He watched Baekhyun unpack various bits and pieces of his life from a series of cardboard boxes – boxes they’d spent the past two days carting from one apartment to the other in Chanyeol’s little bomb on wheels, which had neither the boot space nor the engine power to adequately handle such a task. It had taken considerable time and effort for Chanyeol to convince Baekhyun to finally move in with him; Baekhyun was very reluctant to leave his own apartment, but Chanyeol’s was in a more practical location for them both, and so eventually he’d relented.
Baekhyun was too preoccupied to say much, and as Chanyeol’s thoughts gradually began to pervade the silence in the room, the reality of their situation began to sink in: that they would be sharing a roof, a bed, a bathroom, meals, expenses, responsibilities – a whole life. Just the two of them, together at last… Chanyeol’s face as he watched Baekhyun unpack was thoughtful, expressionless, but on the inside he was glowing with happiness. Baekhyun had yet to properly divulge his own feelings on the subject – it was hard to tell what he was feeling at the best of times, unless he expressed himself verbally – but Chanyeol hoped he felt the same.
When it seemed that the unpacking was never going to end, he finally gave up and went to bed; Baekhyun was clearly determined to finish that night, and if that was what he wanted then Chanyeol wasn’t about to get in his way. He lay on top of the covers in nothing but his boxers with the door to his bedroom ajar, listening to the sound of Baekhyun shuffling between rooms, making new homes for all his belongings. He’d only just fallen asleep when he was woken up by the lamp on his bedside table being switched on; Baekhyun had come to bed at last, wearing a t-shirt of Chanyeol’s that was just a little too big for him, as always. The old David Bowie one he used to wear had since been demoted to dust-rag status and then discarded, being more holes than cloth in the final days of its life. The shirt Baekhyun wore now was plain white, the fabric soft and worn and just thin enough that Chanyeol could see his nipples poking through it, how it skimmed over the soft curve of his stomach underneath. The shirt was also just barely long enough to keep Chanyeol guessing about the possible presence (and much likelier absence) of undergarments.
Chanyeol lifted his head, blinking sleepily at the sight before him. “Wow,” he said.
“What..?” Baekhyun asked, running a hand through his messy hair.
Chanyeol shook his head. “Nothing. You just look really sexy right now, that’s all.”
“I’m wearing an old rag,” Baekhyun said, throwing him a skeptical look. “Your old rag..”
“Are you wearing anything under it..?” Chanyeol asked, slowly sitting up in bed, even though he more or less knew what the answer would be. Baekhyun looked at him for a moment and, in place of a response, lifted the hem of the t-shirt up a fraction – just for a second – before dropping it again.
Chanyeol swallowed thickly, all of a sudden forgetting how tired he was.
“Fuck yes,” he whispered, holding his arms out towards Baekhyun. “Come to daddy..”
“Actually, I was kind of planning to just go right to sleep,” Baekhyun replied, settling down on the bed next to him. “I’m exhausted… and I’m sure you are too.”
Chanyeol’s heart sank and he dropped his arms by his sides. “You can’t come to bed wearing one of my t-shirts with nothing underneath and then expect me not to want you,” he said, pouting. “How rude is that..?”
“Sorry,” Baekhyun sighed, and rolled over onto his back with his eyes closed. “I’m just not really up for it tonight.”
Chanyeol leaned over to whisper in his ear. “I know how to get you up for it..”
“Not now, Chanyeol.”
“You do realise this will be the first time we’ll sleep together without… well…” Chanyeol filled the blank with a suggestive whistling sound.
Baekhyun opened his eyes. “I know,” he said, turning his head to look at Chanyeol. “But we live together now… we can do that whenever we want.”
Chanyeol nodded and sank down onto the mattress with a sigh of defeat. “Fine,” he said, and closed his eyes. Barely a few seconds passed before he opened them again, nudging Baekhyun’s bare leg with his foot.
“Hey.”
“Mmm,” Baekhyun mumbled in reply.
“Can I still use your tummy as a pillow...?”
Baekhyun was quiet for a while, and Chanyeol was almost convinced he’d rudely fallen asleep mid-conversation – or else was pretending to be asleep again – when he finally replied.
“Sure,” he whispered, patting his belly with one hand. “Get on.”
Grateful to be allowed that much at least, Chanyeol happily rested his head on Baekhyun’s stomach and did his best to ignore his urges for a night. Baekhyun was right, after all; they had all the time and opportunity in the world to become closer now, both physically and otherwise. He eventually fell asleep, soothed by the sound of Baekhyun’s breathing, his fingers lazily tangling themselves up in Chanyeol’s hair.
* * * * *
The next morning, Chanyeol awoke at 7.30 to an empty bed and the strong smell of coffee. The place where Baekhyun had been asleep next to him was still warm. He wandered into the kitchen in his boxers and found Baekhyun standing in front of the window, drinking coffee with the morning sun shining on his face.
Chanyeol watched Baekhyun for a moment in silence, waiting to see if he would turn around of his own accord.
“Hey,” he said at last. Baekhyun jumped a little and turned his head to look at him.
Chanyeol smiled. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Baekhyun tilted his cup to his lips, swallowing what was left of his coffee; he rinsed the cup out under the tap and left it in the sink. “That’s alright,” he said. “I’m glad you’re awake, anyhow. I wasn’t sure if I should wake you or not..”
“It’s okay, I’m not late. I don’t need to leave for another half an hour,” Chanyeol replied. “Do you have time to wait for me? I thought we could maybe walk to the subway together, grab a quick bite on the way or something..”
Baekhyun shook his head. “I can’t wait, I’m afraid… I was hoping to get to work early today. I’ve got an important meeting to prepare for this morning.”
“Ah… I see,” Chanyeol said, nodding. “Well, that’s fine… maybe tomorrow. I’ll see you tonight, anyway.”
“Okay,” Baekhyun said, and smiled. He paused in front of Chanyeol on his way out of the kitchen, stood on his toes and kissed him quickly on the mouth; the kiss was sweet and gentle, but otherwise passionless.
“Have a good day,” Chanyeol called after him, and was met with the sound of the front door being shut, the fruity scent of Baekhyun’s apple shampoo lingering in his nostrils.
* * * * *
Before Baekhyun moved in, Chanyeol had expected that they would soon fall into the predictable complacence of a normal couple’s daily routine. The routine part, at least, proved to be true – every morning he would offer to accompany Baekhyun to the subway, and Baekhyun would politely decline each time, citing a similar work-related excuse. They came home from work every evening at different times, Chanyeol usually arriving before Baekhyun did. Dinner was organised by whoever arrived home first, whether it was home-cooked or ordered in, and they ate at the kitchen table in relative silence, broken only by a few enquiries about each other’s day here and there.
After they’d eaten and washed up, Baekhyun would settle down to read the daily newspaper he’d picked up on the way home from work. Chanyeol knew better than to disturb him when he had a paper in his hands, so he would pick up his current novel or flick through the endless channels on the television, somehow never managing to find anything that could hold his attention for more than ten minutes at a time. Baekhyun often went to bed before Chanyeol did; even on those nights when Chanyeol followed soon afterwards, he always found Baekhyun sleeping peacefully, and although he was usually aching for some form of physical affection, he never had the heart to wake him.
When Chanyeol arrived home from work on the Thursday night of their first week, Baekhyun was already on the couch, reading that day’s paper.
“Dinner’s on the table,” he said, not looking up. “I’ve eaten, so don’t worry about me. You might want to warm it up a little.”
Chanyeol stood in front of the couch, watching Baekhyun read for a while. Baekhyun didn’t seem to notice, or was otherwise unperturbed by being watched; he simply turned to the next page and kept reading as though Chanyeol wasn’t there.
“I’m not that hungry right now,” Chanyeol said at last, collapsing on the couch next to Baekhyun. “I’ll probably eat later.”
“Mm-hmm,” was all Baekhyun said in reply. “Go and put it in the fridge, then.”
Chanyeol watched Baekhyun read a little longer, then subtly scooted closer to him on the couch and put an arm around his shoulders. Baekhyun didn’t acknowledge the action, but he didn’t reject it either. So far, so good.
“How was your day..?” Chanyeol asked, kissing Baekhyun on the cheek.
Baekhyun was silent for a moment before he replied. “It was okay... I’m glad it’s over, at any rate.”
“Uh-huh,” Chanyeol said. He didn’t wait for Baekhyun to ask him how his own day had been; instead he leaned a little closer, nibbled on Baekhyun’s ear, kissed his neck, did all those little things that used to get him hot under the collar in relatively little time. Baekhyun kept on reading as though nothing was happening, at first; after a while he got irritated and rolled up the paper, using it to swat Chanyeol away.
“You haven’t let me touch you once since you moved in,” Chanyeol said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. “Whatever happened to ‘we can do it whenever we want’? You mean, whenever you want..”
Baekhyun exhaled loudly through his nose and leaned over to put his newspaper on the coffee table. Chanyeol watched in stunned silence as he stood up, unzipped his trousers and dropped them to the floor along with his underwear. He flopped down over the armrest of the couch, his bare behind pointed in Chanyeol’s direction. “Fine,” he said at last, “but make it quick. I’m tired.”
Chanyeol almost laughed at the absurdity of the gesture. “Uh, that’s not quite what I had in mind..”
Baekhyun lifted his head from the armrest and turned to look at Chanyeol. He seemed annoyed now. “Well, do you want to fuck me or not..?”
Chanyeol swallowed. His pants felt unusually tight; a voice inside his head screamed yes. Yes, I do.
“No,” he said, ignoring the voice, “not like that. If I can’t kiss you or even look at you then I don’t see the point.”
Baekhyun sighed. “Suit yourself… I’m not really in the mood for romance right now,” he replied, and got up. He pulled his pants back on and resumed his place on the couch, picking up his paper and continuing where he left off without further acknowledging Chanyeol’s presence.
Chanyeol nodded in silence and left the room. He went to sleep an hour earlier than usual, drifting off before Baekhyun came to bed and waking up the next morning after he had already left.
* * * * *
After that, Chanyeol stopped mentioning sex altogether, figuring Baekhyun would probably come around on his own when he was ready, but he didn’t. What he did do instead was start leaving the apartment most evenings, usually for around an hour, telling Chanyeol he was going for a walk. Chanyeol was never invited to accompany Baekhyun on one of his nighttime strolls, and given the recent tension between them, he was reluctant to ask.
One night Baekhyun returned a little earlier than Chanyeol had anticipated and caught him in the living room, smoking a cigarette on the armchair next to the window, which was cracked open halfway. There was an open, half-empty bottle of red wine on the coffee table with a glass next to it. Cosmic Dancer was playing on repeat in the background. It was a ritual Chanyeol had let die once Baekhyun had moved in, but given the way things were heading, it seemed fitting to resurrect it again.
“That was a short walk,” Chanyeol said, turning his head to blow smoke in the direction of the open window.
“I’m not really feeling it tonight,” Baekhyun replied, which was what he said about a lot of things these days. He stood in front of Chanyeol, watching him, but made no move to sit down.
“I could have come with you, you know.” Chanyeol leaned forward and tapped the accumulating ash from his cigarette into the wine glass in front of him, watching it float around in the dregs at the bottom. “I like walks… I like you. I'd have liked to come.”
“I just needed some time alone,” Baekhyun said quietly.
Chanyeol nodded. “Right. Of course you did.”
Baekhyun didn’t say anything to that; he continued to stand there in front of Chanyeol, waiting for him to look up. Chanyeol only stared at the floor, smoking in silence, his head swimming pleasantly from the wine. Eventually Baekhyun walked over to the couch opposite him and sat down.
“I’m trying to adjust to not living alone,” he said at last. “And as much as I love you – and you know I do – this is a big step for me. It’s not something I can just get used to overnight.”
Do I know..? Chanyeol thought, but decided not to say it aloud.
“It’s fine,” he replied flatly. “You don't have to explain yourself.”
“I thought you’d given up smoking,” Baekhyun said, changing the subject. Chanyeol took one last long drag on his cigarette and flicked the still-smoking butt out the open window.
“So did I. But I may have sneakily taken it back up again… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Why?”
Chanyeol shrugged. “Stress of the move, perhaps.”
Baekhyun cocked an eyebrow at him. “I was the one moving, not you..”
“If you really want to know, I was a little gutted that you haven’t let me come near you lately, and I tend to crave things more when I’m upset… alcohol and cigarettes and what have you,” Chanyeol explained. “Everyone has their vices, I suppose.”
“It’s not personal, Chanyeol. I’ve just been tired.”
Chanyeol nodded. “I know that. And I get tired too, you know; it doesn’t stop me wanting you. Why would you move in here if you didn’t want to be with me..?”
“I moved in with you to make you happy,” Baekhyun replied. “I’m not here to give you a ‘daily service’, as it were.”
“This is not about servicing me, or even making me happy,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head. “It should be a mutual thing. I love you and want to be with you, and I thought you felt the same way. You never pushed me away when we weren’t living together… and I certainly wasn’t the one yanking my own clothes off the second I walked through your door, like I was expecting you to hop on me right there and then. You knew I would never turn you down unless I was impotent or dying, but did you ever wonder if I was tired or not in the mood? What if I wanted to come over just to see you, just to talk? And now you’re depriving me of the only way you’ve ever really given me to be truly close to you; you don’t talk to me, you barely let me hold you in bed without rolling away five minutes later… you won’t even let me walk to the bloody station with you. Do you see the point I’m making? Why are you hiding from me all of a sudden..?”
“I’m not,” Baekhyun said quietly, looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry… I’m just an intensely private person who doesn’t really know how to bond with someone I love except through physical means; it doesn’t mean I don’t feel love like everyone else. And I’m not against walking to the station with you at all, but if I waited around for you every morning I would be constantly late for work. I’m also not going to apologise for enjoying sex, or for only wanting it at certain times... I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
Chanyeol sighed. “I wasn’t expecting you to apologise... I just didn’t want to let this go on too much longer without at least telling you how I felt,” he said. He added, a little bitterly, “and you don’t know what it’s like to lie in bed every night next to a beautiful naked boy who doesn’t want you. Quite frankly, it’s awful.”
Baekhyun laughed and spread himself out on the couch, covering his face with his hands. “Alright, you’ve made your point.”
“Do you still ‘need your space’ right now,” Chanyeol asked him, “or are you going to let me invade it for once?”
Baekhyun rolled his eyes and laughed again. “Permission granted, I suppose.”
Chanyeol stood up from the armchair and walked over to the couch; Baekhyun sat up to make room for him. Chanyeol put an arm around his shoulders and kissed him sloppily on the cheek, chuckling to himself at Baekhyun’s protests.
“Cosmic Dancer again, huh,” Baekhyun said, wiping Chanyeol’s saliva off his face with his hand.
“Uh-huh,” Chanyeol replied, kissing him again. “I may have been fantasising to it earlier.”
“I'll bet you were.”
“The things we did to this song…” Chanyeol whispered. “Fuck... I’ll never get over it.” The memory of that night was burned permanently into his brain – how Baekhyun had looked; how he’d tasted; the way his body undulated to the beat, torturously slow; how his sighs and gasps had perfectly punctuated the song’s highs and lows, until he was making lovely music of his own – and just listening to it once was all it took to get the embers of desire glowing again. Chanyeol turned Baekhyun’s head towards him with both hands and kissed his lips, parting them with a swipe of his tongue; Baekhyun moaned softly into his mouth, opening up wider to let him in, and then gently pushed him away.
“If you want to continue this, you'll have to go brush your teeth,” he said. “You taste like an ashtray.”
“Okay,” Chanyeol sighed, reluctantly dragging himself away from the couch. He turned around and pointed a stern finger at Baekhyun. “But you’d better be naked when I get back,” he said, and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
When Chanyeol walked back into the living room, running his tongue over his clean, minty-fresh teeth, he found Baekhyun sprawled over the couch wearing absolutely nothing, his clothes in a heap on the floor. Chanyeol laughed as soon as he laid eyes on him; it perhaps wasn’t the most appropriate reaction, but he couldn’t help it.
Baekhyun frowned up at him. “What..?”
“Nothing… I just wasn't actually expecting you to be naked when I got back.”
“Well, I can put my clothes back on, if you'd prefer..” Baekhyun said, somewhat irritably; he began to sit up, but Chanyeol hurriedly pushed him back down again.
“No, no,” he said, “don't be silly. Stay just the way you are.” He pinned Baekhyun down upon the couch before he could move away, kissed and nibbled and ran his tongue over every inch of him; the sounds Baekhyun made in response were ones Chanyeol knew all too well, bold and pleading and desperate, and he had missed them terribly. He felt Baekhyun’s hands sliding beneath his t-shirt, digging into his shoulders, his waist, anywhere he could reach. His breaths were hot and erratic and laboured in Chanyeol’s ear.
“It’s been so long since I’ve had you like this,” Chanyeol whispered. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“It’s only been a week, you drama queen..”
“Ten days, actually.”
“Trust you to actually count the days,” Baekhyun replied, and groaned when Chanyeol rubbed against him, rough fabric meeting exposed flesh.
“I’m going to make you want me as badly as I wanted you over those ten days, just as a warning,” Chanyeol whispered; with his lips on Baekhyun’s neck, he could feel the movement in his throat as he swallowed, felt his pulse fluttering beneath his skin.
“Chanyeol, please…” Baekhyun whispered back, and lifted his head up from the couch, trying in vain to capture Chanyeol’s lips. Chanyeol moved his head away each time, kissing Baekhyun anywhere but on the mouth.
“Why won’t you kiss me..?” Baekhyun asked – or whined, more like it.
“I am kissing you…” Chanyeol replied. He buried all traces of his wicked smile in the soft, rounded terrain of Baekhyun’s stomach.
“I meant why won’t you kiss me properly…”
Chanyeol leaned over to quickly peck Baekhyun on the lips and then carried on with what he was doing. The sound Baekhyun made in response, a long groan of desperate frustration, was the most satisfying sound his ears had been blessed with in a long while.
It was only after they’d made love, cuddled, kissed and then done it all over again that Chanyeol realised Cosmic Dancer was still playing in the background, probably for the fiftieth time; up until then, Baekhyun had done an excellent job of drowning it out. “I should probably turn that off,” he said at last, reluctantly prying himself away from Baekhyun’s arms.
Baekhyun sat up on the couch, smiling mischievously. “Not so fast,” he said. “I want to see you do a Cosmic Dance for me first, Cosmic Dancer.”
Chanyeol turned around to look at him, coyly biting his lip. “What, like this..?” he asked, wiggling his bare butt in his boyfriend’s direction.
Baekhyun laughed and nodded. “Uh-huh.”
“Well, alright. But I warn you – things might flop around a bit.”
Baekhyun laughed again. “I don’t care. Go on, I dare you."
Since Chanyeol could never resist a dare, he did the best interpretive Cosmic Dance he could come up with on the spot, twirling and leaping around the room until he was dizzy, and nearly upsetting several pieces of furniture in the meantime. “How long do I have to do this for..?” he asked, already breathless. He was doing lunges around the coffee table at that point.
Baekhyun appeared to be having a hard time controlling his laughter. “It’s okay. You can stop now, before you hurt yourself.”
“I think you’ve ruined that song for me forever,” Chanyeol said, collapsing onto the couch next to him, exhausted. He pushed Baekhyun down again until he was lying flat and rested his head on his stomach, first giving the spot just above his bellybutton a little kiss, as he usually did.
“Let’s just go to sleep right here,” he whispered, sighing happily. “I’m not against sleeping in my own muck if you aren’t..”
“Gross,” Baekhyun laughed, and patted the back of Chanyeol’s head with one hand. “Will this become a permanent arrangement, do you think?”
“What, living together?” Chanyeol asked, raising his head a little. “I hope so..”
Baekhyun’s body vibrated again with his laughter. “No, dummy… I meant you using my stomach as a pillow.”
“Oh,” Chanyeol replied, and laughed himself. “Yeah, probably. Do you mind..?”
“No, I don't mind… maybe not when it's hot, though. Or when I’m really, really tired.”
“I already knew living with you was a permanent arrangement,” Chanyeol said quietly. “At least, I really want it to be.”
“Me too,” Baekhyun replied. His hand began to gently work its way through Chanyeol’s hair, nearly sending him to sleep. He was about to nod off, and he felt Baekhyun’s breaths slowing down, indicating he was close to doing the same.
Chanyeol opened his eyes and lifted his head a fraction. “Baek… how much do you love me?”
As usual, Baekhyun didn’t reply at first; Chanyeol assumed he’d fallen asleep until he finally answered.
“Enough to let you sleep on my stomach for the rest of my life, even though your head is bony and uncomfortable,” Baekhyun whispered. “Is that a satisfactory answer..?”
Chanyeol laughed and gave Baekhyun’s tummy one last kiss before resting his head upon it once more. “Yes,” he said. “Perfectly satisfactory.”
___________________________________________
Pairing(s): Chanyeol / Baekhyun
Rating: Soft R
Genre: Romance
Warning(s): Language, a few sexual bits n’ bobs
Length: ~4,200
Summary: Chanyeol had assumed that finally moving in with each other would bring him and Baekhyun closer together, but it seems to be doing just the opposite. (A continuation of ‘A Little Is Alright’, which you might want to read first.)
“You don’t need to unpack every single thing right away, you know,” Chanyeol said, and patted the couch next to him. “Sit down and relax.”
Baekhyun continued to haul stacks of books from a cardboard box, piling them up on the floor according to genre. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and sighed.
“I know I don’t have to do it all right now… but I’m just not comfortable with leaving all these boxes everywhere. I’d rather get it over and done with.”
“Well, can I at least help, then..?”
Baekhyun shook his head and smiled. “It’s my stuff, so it’s my problem… I’ll handle it. You go to bed if you’re tired; I’ll come join you later.”
“It’s alright, I’ll stay up with you,” Chanyeol insisted. He watched Baekhyun unpack various bits and pieces of his life from a series of cardboard boxes – boxes they’d spent the past two days carting from one apartment to the other in Chanyeol’s little bomb on wheels, which had neither the boot space nor the engine power to adequately handle such a task. It had taken considerable time and effort for Chanyeol to convince Baekhyun to finally move in with him; Baekhyun was very reluctant to leave his own apartment, but Chanyeol’s was in a more practical location for them both, and so eventually he’d relented.
Baekhyun was too preoccupied to say much, and as Chanyeol’s thoughts gradually began to pervade the silence in the room, the reality of their situation began to sink in: that they would be sharing a roof, a bed, a bathroom, meals, expenses, responsibilities – a whole life. Just the two of them, together at last… Chanyeol’s face as he watched Baekhyun unpack was thoughtful, expressionless, but on the inside he was glowing with happiness. Baekhyun had yet to properly divulge his own feelings on the subject – it was hard to tell what he was feeling at the best of times, unless he expressed himself verbally – but Chanyeol hoped he felt the same.
When it seemed that the unpacking was never going to end, he finally gave up and went to bed; Baekhyun was clearly determined to finish that night, and if that was what he wanted then Chanyeol wasn’t about to get in his way. He lay on top of the covers in nothing but his boxers with the door to his bedroom ajar, listening to the sound of Baekhyun shuffling between rooms, making new homes for all his belongings. He’d only just fallen asleep when he was woken up by the lamp on his bedside table being switched on; Baekhyun had come to bed at last, wearing a t-shirt of Chanyeol’s that was just a little too big for him, as always. The old David Bowie one he used to wear had since been demoted to dust-rag status and then discarded, being more holes than cloth in the final days of its life. The shirt Baekhyun wore now was plain white, the fabric soft and worn and just thin enough that Chanyeol could see his nipples poking through it, how it skimmed over the soft curve of his stomach underneath. The shirt was also just barely long enough to keep Chanyeol guessing about the possible presence (and much likelier absence) of undergarments.
Chanyeol lifted his head, blinking sleepily at the sight before him. “Wow,” he said.
“What..?” Baekhyun asked, running a hand through his messy hair.
Chanyeol shook his head. “Nothing. You just look really sexy right now, that’s all.”
“I’m wearing an old rag,” Baekhyun said, throwing him a skeptical look. “Your old rag..”
“Are you wearing anything under it..?” Chanyeol asked, slowly sitting up in bed, even though he more or less knew what the answer would be. Baekhyun looked at him for a moment and, in place of a response, lifted the hem of the t-shirt up a fraction – just for a second – before dropping it again.
Chanyeol swallowed thickly, all of a sudden forgetting how tired he was.
“Fuck yes,” he whispered, holding his arms out towards Baekhyun. “Come to daddy..”
“Actually, I was kind of planning to just go right to sleep,” Baekhyun replied, settling down on the bed next to him. “I’m exhausted… and I’m sure you are too.”
Chanyeol’s heart sank and he dropped his arms by his sides. “You can’t come to bed wearing one of my t-shirts with nothing underneath and then expect me not to want you,” he said, pouting. “How rude is that..?”
“Sorry,” Baekhyun sighed, and rolled over onto his back with his eyes closed. “I’m just not really up for it tonight.”
Chanyeol leaned over to whisper in his ear. “I know how to get you up for it..”
“Not now, Chanyeol.”
“You do realise this will be the first time we’ll sleep together without… well…” Chanyeol filled the blank with a suggestive whistling sound.
Baekhyun opened his eyes. “I know,” he said, turning his head to look at Chanyeol. “But we live together now… we can do that whenever we want.”
Chanyeol nodded and sank down onto the mattress with a sigh of defeat. “Fine,” he said, and closed his eyes. Barely a few seconds passed before he opened them again, nudging Baekhyun’s bare leg with his foot.
“Hey.”
“Mmm,” Baekhyun mumbled in reply.
“Can I still use your tummy as a pillow...?”
Baekhyun was quiet for a while, and Chanyeol was almost convinced he’d rudely fallen asleep mid-conversation – or else was pretending to be asleep again – when he finally replied.
“Sure,” he whispered, patting his belly with one hand. “Get on.”
Grateful to be allowed that much at least, Chanyeol happily rested his head on Baekhyun’s stomach and did his best to ignore his urges for a night. Baekhyun was right, after all; they had all the time and opportunity in the world to become closer now, both physically and otherwise. He eventually fell asleep, soothed by the sound of Baekhyun’s breathing, his fingers lazily tangling themselves up in Chanyeol’s hair.
The next morning, Chanyeol awoke at 7.30 to an empty bed and the strong smell of coffee. The place where Baekhyun had been asleep next to him was still warm. He wandered into the kitchen in his boxers and found Baekhyun standing in front of the window, drinking coffee with the morning sun shining on his face.
Chanyeol watched Baekhyun for a moment in silence, waiting to see if he would turn around of his own accord.
“Hey,” he said at last. Baekhyun jumped a little and turned his head to look at him.
Chanyeol smiled. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Baekhyun tilted his cup to his lips, swallowing what was left of his coffee; he rinsed the cup out under the tap and left it in the sink. “That’s alright,” he said. “I’m glad you’re awake, anyhow. I wasn’t sure if I should wake you or not..”
“It’s okay, I’m not late. I don’t need to leave for another half an hour,” Chanyeol replied. “Do you have time to wait for me? I thought we could maybe walk to the subway together, grab a quick bite on the way or something..”
Baekhyun shook his head. “I can’t wait, I’m afraid… I was hoping to get to work early today. I’ve got an important meeting to prepare for this morning.”
“Ah… I see,” Chanyeol said, nodding. “Well, that’s fine… maybe tomorrow. I’ll see you tonight, anyway.”
“Okay,” Baekhyun said, and smiled. He paused in front of Chanyeol on his way out of the kitchen, stood on his toes and kissed him quickly on the mouth; the kiss was sweet and gentle, but otherwise passionless.
“Have a good day,” Chanyeol called after him, and was met with the sound of the front door being shut, the fruity scent of Baekhyun’s apple shampoo lingering in his nostrils.
Before Baekhyun moved in, Chanyeol had expected that they would soon fall into the predictable complacence of a normal couple’s daily routine. The routine part, at least, proved to be true – every morning he would offer to accompany Baekhyun to the subway, and Baekhyun would politely decline each time, citing a similar work-related excuse. They came home from work every evening at different times, Chanyeol usually arriving before Baekhyun did. Dinner was organised by whoever arrived home first, whether it was home-cooked or ordered in, and they ate at the kitchen table in relative silence, broken only by a few enquiries about each other’s day here and there.
After they’d eaten and washed up, Baekhyun would settle down to read the daily newspaper he’d picked up on the way home from work. Chanyeol knew better than to disturb him when he had a paper in his hands, so he would pick up his current novel or flick through the endless channels on the television, somehow never managing to find anything that could hold his attention for more than ten minutes at a time. Baekhyun often went to bed before Chanyeol did; even on those nights when Chanyeol followed soon afterwards, he always found Baekhyun sleeping peacefully, and although he was usually aching for some form of physical affection, he never had the heart to wake him.
When Chanyeol arrived home from work on the Thursday night of their first week, Baekhyun was already on the couch, reading that day’s paper.
“Dinner’s on the table,” he said, not looking up. “I’ve eaten, so don’t worry about me. You might want to warm it up a little.”
Chanyeol stood in front of the couch, watching Baekhyun read for a while. Baekhyun didn’t seem to notice, or was otherwise unperturbed by being watched; he simply turned to the next page and kept reading as though Chanyeol wasn’t there.
“I’m not that hungry right now,” Chanyeol said at last, collapsing on the couch next to Baekhyun. “I’ll probably eat later.”
“Mm-hmm,” was all Baekhyun said in reply. “Go and put it in the fridge, then.”
Chanyeol watched Baekhyun read a little longer, then subtly scooted closer to him on the couch and put an arm around his shoulders. Baekhyun didn’t acknowledge the action, but he didn’t reject it either. So far, so good.
“How was your day..?” Chanyeol asked, kissing Baekhyun on the cheek.
Baekhyun was silent for a moment before he replied. “It was okay... I’m glad it’s over, at any rate.”
“Uh-huh,” Chanyeol said. He didn’t wait for Baekhyun to ask him how his own day had been; instead he leaned a little closer, nibbled on Baekhyun’s ear, kissed his neck, did all those little things that used to get him hot under the collar in relatively little time. Baekhyun kept on reading as though nothing was happening, at first; after a while he got irritated and rolled up the paper, using it to swat Chanyeol away.
“You haven’t let me touch you once since you moved in,” Chanyeol said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. “Whatever happened to ‘we can do it whenever we want’? You mean, whenever you want..”
Baekhyun exhaled loudly through his nose and leaned over to put his newspaper on the coffee table. Chanyeol watched in stunned silence as he stood up, unzipped his trousers and dropped them to the floor along with his underwear. He flopped down over the armrest of the couch, his bare behind pointed in Chanyeol’s direction. “Fine,” he said at last, “but make it quick. I’m tired.”
Chanyeol almost laughed at the absurdity of the gesture. “Uh, that’s not quite what I had in mind..”
Baekhyun lifted his head from the armrest and turned to look at Chanyeol. He seemed annoyed now. “Well, do you want to fuck me or not..?”
Chanyeol swallowed. His pants felt unusually tight; a voice inside his head screamed yes. Yes, I do.
“No,” he said, ignoring the voice, “not like that. If I can’t kiss you or even look at you then I don’t see the point.”
Baekhyun sighed. “Suit yourself… I’m not really in the mood for romance right now,” he replied, and got up. He pulled his pants back on and resumed his place on the couch, picking up his paper and continuing where he left off without further acknowledging Chanyeol’s presence.
Chanyeol nodded in silence and left the room. He went to sleep an hour earlier than usual, drifting off before Baekhyun came to bed and waking up the next morning after he had already left.
After that, Chanyeol stopped mentioning sex altogether, figuring Baekhyun would probably come around on his own when he was ready, but he didn’t. What he did do instead was start leaving the apartment most evenings, usually for around an hour, telling Chanyeol he was going for a walk. Chanyeol was never invited to accompany Baekhyun on one of his nighttime strolls, and given the recent tension between them, he was reluctant to ask.
One night Baekhyun returned a little earlier than Chanyeol had anticipated and caught him in the living room, smoking a cigarette on the armchair next to the window, which was cracked open halfway. There was an open, half-empty bottle of red wine on the coffee table with a glass next to it. Cosmic Dancer was playing on repeat in the background. It was a ritual Chanyeol had let die once Baekhyun had moved in, but given the way things were heading, it seemed fitting to resurrect it again.
“That was a short walk,” Chanyeol said, turning his head to blow smoke in the direction of the open window.
“I’m not really feeling it tonight,” Baekhyun replied, which was what he said about a lot of things these days. He stood in front of Chanyeol, watching him, but made no move to sit down.
“I could have come with you, you know.” Chanyeol leaned forward and tapped the accumulating ash from his cigarette into the wine glass in front of him, watching it float around in the dregs at the bottom. “I like walks… I like you. I'd have liked to come.”
“I just needed some time alone,” Baekhyun said quietly.
Chanyeol nodded. “Right. Of course you did.”
Baekhyun didn’t say anything to that; he continued to stand there in front of Chanyeol, waiting for him to look up. Chanyeol only stared at the floor, smoking in silence, his head swimming pleasantly from the wine. Eventually Baekhyun walked over to the couch opposite him and sat down.
“I’m trying to adjust to not living alone,” he said at last. “And as much as I love you – and you know I do – this is a big step for me. It’s not something I can just get used to overnight.”
Do I know..? Chanyeol thought, but decided not to say it aloud.
“It’s fine,” he replied flatly. “You don't have to explain yourself.”
“I thought you’d given up smoking,” Baekhyun said, changing the subject. Chanyeol took one last long drag on his cigarette and flicked the still-smoking butt out the open window.
“So did I. But I may have sneakily taken it back up again… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Why?”
Chanyeol shrugged. “Stress of the move, perhaps.”
Baekhyun cocked an eyebrow at him. “I was the one moving, not you..”
“If you really want to know, I was a little gutted that you haven’t let me come near you lately, and I tend to crave things more when I’m upset… alcohol and cigarettes and what have you,” Chanyeol explained. “Everyone has their vices, I suppose.”
“It’s not personal, Chanyeol. I’ve just been tired.”
Chanyeol nodded. “I know that. And I get tired too, you know; it doesn’t stop me wanting you. Why would you move in here if you didn’t want to be with me..?”
“I moved in with you to make you happy,” Baekhyun replied. “I’m not here to give you a ‘daily service’, as it were.”
“This is not about servicing me, or even making me happy,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head. “It should be a mutual thing. I love you and want to be with you, and I thought you felt the same way. You never pushed me away when we weren’t living together… and I certainly wasn’t the one yanking my own clothes off the second I walked through your door, like I was expecting you to hop on me right there and then. You knew I would never turn you down unless I was impotent or dying, but did you ever wonder if I was tired or not in the mood? What if I wanted to come over just to see you, just to talk? And now you’re depriving me of the only way you’ve ever really given me to be truly close to you; you don’t talk to me, you barely let me hold you in bed without rolling away five minutes later… you won’t even let me walk to the bloody station with you. Do you see the point I’m making? Why are you hiding from me all of a sudden..?”
“I’m not,” Baekhyun said quietly, looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry… I’m just an intensely private person who doesn’t really know how to bond with someone I love except through physical means; it doesn’t mean I don’t feel love like everyone else. And I’m not against walking to the station with you at all, but if I waited around for you every morning I would be constantly late for work. I’m also not going to apologise for enjoying sex, or for only wanting it at certain times... I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
Chanyeol sighed. “I wasn’t expecting you to apologise... I just didn’t want to let this go on too much longer without at least telling you how I felt,” he said. He added, a little bitterly, “and you don’t know what it’s like to lie in bed every night next to a beautiful naked boy who doesn’t want you. Quite frankly, it’s awful.”
Baekhyun laughed and spread himself out on the couch, covering his face with his hands. “Alright, you’ve made your point.”
“Do you still ‘need your space’ right now,” Chanyeol asked him, “or are you going to let me invade it for once?”
Baekhyun rolled his eyes and laughed again. “Permission granted, I suppose.”
Chanyeol stood up from the armchair and walked over to the couch; Baekhyun sat up to make room for him. Chanyeol put an arm around his shoulders and kissed him sloppily on the cheek, chuckling to himself at Baekhyun’s protests.
“Cosmic Dancer again, huh,” Baekhyun said, wiping Chanyeol’s saliva off his face with his hand.
“Uh-huh,” Chanyeol replied, kissing him again. “I may have been fantasising to it earlier.”
“I'll bet you were.”
“The things we did to this song…” Chanyeol whispered. “Fuck... I’ll never get over it.” The memory of that night was burned permanently into his brain – how Baekhyun had looked; how he’d tasted; the way his body undulated to the beat, torturously slow; how his sighs and gasps had perfectly punctuated the song’s highs and lows, until he was making lovely music of his own – and just listening to it once was all it took to get the embers of desire glowing again. Chanyeol turned Baekhyun’s head towards him with both hands and kissed his lips, parting them with a swipe of his tongue; Baekhyun moaned softly into his mouth, opening up wider to let him in, and then gently pushed him away.
“If you want to continue this, you'll have to go brush your teeth,” he said. “You taste like an ashtray.”
“Okay,” Chanyeol sighed, reluctantly dragging himself away from the couch. He turned around and pointed a stern finger at Baekhyun. “But you’d better be naked when I get back,” he said, and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
When Chanyeol walked back into the living room, running his tongue over his clean, minty-fresh teeth, he found Baekhyun sprawled over the couch wearing absolutely nothing, his clothes in a heap on the floor. Chanyeol laughed as soon as he laid eyes on him; it perhaps wasn’t the most appropriate reaction, but he couldn’t help it.
Baekhyun frowned up at him. “What..?”
“Nothing… I just wasn't actually expecting you to be naked when I got back.”
“Well, I can put my clothes back on, if you'd prefer..” Baekhyun said, somewhat irritably; he began to sit up, but Chanyeol hurriedly pushed him back down again.
“No, no,” he said, “don't be silly. Stay just the way you are.” He pinned Baekhyun down upon the couch before he could move away, kissed and nibbled and ran his tongue over every inch of him; the sounds Baekhyun made in response were ones Chanyeol knew all too well, bold and pleading and desperate, and he had missed them terribly. He felt Baekhyun’s hands sliding beneath his t-shirt, digging into his shoulders, his waist, anywhere he could reach. His breaths were hot and erratic and laboured in Chanyeol’s ear.
“It’s been so long since I’ve had you like this,” Chanyeol whispered. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“It’s only been a week, you drama queen..”
“Ten days, actually.”
“Trust you to actually count the days,” Baekhyun replied, and groaned when Chanyeol rubbed against him, rough fabric meeting exposed flesh.
“I’m going to make you want me as badly as I wanted you over those ten days, just as a warning,” Chanyeol whispered; with his lips on Baekhyun’s neck, he could feel the movement in his throat as he swallowed, felt his pulse fluttering beneath his skin.
“Chanyeol, please…” Baekhyun whispered back, and lifted his head up from the couch, trying in vain to capture Chanyeol’s lips. Chanyeol moved his head away each time, kissing Baekhyun anywhere but on the mouth.
“Why won’t you kiss me..?” Baekhyun asked – or whined, more like it.
“I am kissing you…” Chanyeol replied. He buried all traces of his wicked smile in the soft, rounded terrain of Baekhyun’s stomach.
“I meant why won’t you kiss me properly…”
Chanyeol leaned over to quickly peck Baekhyun on the lips and then carried on with what he was doing. The sound Baekhyun made in response, a long groan of desperate frustration, was the most satisfying sound his ears had been blessed with in a long while.
It was only after they’d made love, cuddled, kissed and then done it all over again that Chanyeol realised Cosmic Dancer was still playing in the background, probably for the fiftieth time; up until then, Baekhyun had done an excellent job of drowning it out. “I should probably turn that off,” he said at last, reluctantly prying himself away from Baekhyun’s arms.
Baekhyun sat up on the couch, smiling mischievously. “Not so fast,” he said. “I want to see you do a Cosmic Dance for me first, Cosmic Dancer.”
Chanyeol turned around to look at him, coyly biting his lip. “What, like this..?” he asked, wiggling his bare butt in his boyfriend’s direction.
Baekhyun laughed and nodded. “Uh-huh.”
“Well, alright. But I warn you – things might flop around a bit.”
Baekhyun laughed again. “I don’t care. Go on, I dare you."
Since Chanyeol could never resist a dare, he did the best interpretive Cosmic Dance he could come up with on the spot, twirling and leaping around the room until he was dizzy, and nearly upsetting several pieces of furniture in the meantime. “How long do I have to do this for..?” he asked, already breathless. He was doing lunges around the coffee table at that point.
Baekhyun appeared to be having a hard time controlling his laughter. “It’s okay. You can stop now, before you hurt yourself.”
“I think you’ve ruined that song for me forever,” Chanyeol said, collapsing onto the couch next to him, exhausted. He pushed Baekhyun down again until he was lying flat and rested his head on his stomach, first giving the spot just above his bellybutton a little kiss, as he usually did.
“Let’s just go to sleep right here,” he whispered, sighing happily. “I’m not against sleeping in my own muck if you aren’t..”
“Gross,” Baekhyun laughed, and patted the back of Chanyeol’s head with one hand. “Will this become a permanent arrangement, do you think?”
“What, living together?” Chanyeol asked, raising his head a little. “I hope so..”
Baekhyun’s body vibrated again with his laughter. “No, dummy… I meant you using my stomach as a pillow.”
“Oh,” Chanyeol replied, and laughed himself. “Yeah, probably. Do you mind..?”
“No, I don't mind… maybe not when it's hot, though. Or when I’m really, really tired.”
“I already knew living with you was a permanent arrangement,” Chanyeol said quietly. “At least, I really want it to be.”
“Me too,” Baekhyun replied. His hand began to gently work its way through Chanyeol’s hair, nearly sending him to sleep. He was about to nod off, and he felt Baekhyun’s breaths slowing down, indicating he was close to doing the same.
Chanyeol opened his eyes and lifted his head a fraction. “Baek… how much do you love me?”
As usual, Baekhyun didn’t reply at first; Chanyeol assumed he’d fallen asleep until he finally answered.
“Enough to let you sleep on my stomach for the rest of my life, even though your head is bony and uncomfortable,” Baekhyun whispered. “Is that a satisfactory answer..?”
Chanyeol laughed and gave Baekhyun’s tummy one last kiss before resting his head upon it once more. “Yes,” he said. “Perfectly satisfactory.”
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Date: 2015-01-21 01:17 am (UTC)poor chanyeol tho, i feel like he gives hinself too much ... :/
thanks for writing so well every time
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Date: 2015-01-21 08:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-24 06:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-26 07:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-24 01:32 pm (UTC)keep writing and stay awesome, LOL.
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Date: 2015-01-26 07:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-15 12:21 pm (UTC)anyways... i wanted to ask, how did you create baek's character? what was your inspiration? like i feel his emotions at a personal level and his whole 'private person' aura and how reserved he is and how he feels love like everyone else but cannot express it nearly as much he'd like to, and how he spitefully speaks to one he loves the most not wanting to hurt him but doing so anyway inevitably :'( it's just so me i want to cry T___T
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Date: 2015-10-16 07:59 am (UTC)